I myself have always known that I was a control freak, but never wanting to admit it. That was until I meet God about two years ago and now I realize that we both can’t run the show. And trust me I much prefer that God runs the show then me. Because I have seen firsthand what happens when I try to run things. Let’s just say things didn’t turn out so well, as I had plan or thought. 🙁 My control issues all came about because I grew up in a dysfunctional family, men severely used and abused and I lived in the streets for a long time. I had learned at seven years old and throughout my life that I COULD’NT TRUST ANYONE! So in a twisted way I had to learn to take control of things that I really had no control over anyways. But I would still try to control everything and anything that I possibly could. It gave me this false sense that I had some kind of power over what was going on in my life at that time. It also gave me a sense of security that was nowhere to be found when I needed it the most! Now here I sit almost two years later after I had an encounter with Jesus Christ one on one and He asks me the most difficult thing by far and that is to trust Him in everything. And I can feel my heart sinking and my heart racing as I say and think about those words TRUST ME. Over and over again in my mind I can hear the words, how can I trust You when I grew up in world the last thirty-four and half years of my life learning to TRUST NO ONE!!! How my Lord, how do I trust YOU? How do I separate you from the ones who hurt me and betrayed me when I really needed them the most. How can I get my heart to see You’re not like them? That Your gentle, kind, loving, forgiving, trust worthy and most of all Your God the all mighty!!! How do I get this to all align with my heart, so that I can trust You with no restrictions? Lord please hear, my deepest cries and help this child who is still lost and hurt inside of this grown woman, who wants nothing more in her life right now than to love, serve and to trust You.
Love Always One Of God’s Children 2-07-2013