My family was not the best family to grow up with, but they where my family. Out of all the madness that went on in our home, there were some good and not so good lessons I had learned. But there was this one lesson that I did learned as child that stood out to me the most and that was determination I saw displayed throughout my family.
My family was the type of people who were not going to do anything for you, that you couldn’t do for yourself. They were also the type who would not allow anyone else to do anything for them, that they couldn’t do for themselves. It didn’t matter what the situation was, they would leave you by your self to figure out a way to get whatever it was done no matter what!
There was no sitting there crying, complaining, having someone feeling sorry for you, or feeling sorry for yourself. There was no talk about what you can or can’t do, you were to just be quiet and get it done. The faster you figured out how to do it, the faster you could get it done. I too had learned this kind of way of thinking at a very early age.
My mother had some major determination to do what she did for us when my dad was not the best at times. I also seen determination displayed in my Aunt who was paralyzed on her whole left side of her body. There was nothing that woman couldn’t do from tying her own shoes to doing her own hair. And my mother made sure that I did things on my own too.
As I got older and went out into the world on my own and I took that determination with me. To the point that no matter what I made sure I got things done. No matter how I felt or if I didn’t want to, it got done. I also found a way to move on in life, when life would just really knock me on my butt. But I always got right back up, dust myself off and kept on moving.
For me there was no sitting around saying I can’t do this, I wont do it, it’s not possible, I don’t feel like it or it’s just too hard for me kind of attitude. There was none of that I had determination to do what it ever it took from me to get things done and accomplish in my life.
I didn’t allow myself to feel sorry, hopeless and I made sure that others didn’t feel sorry for me. I didn’t allow others to do for me, what I couldn’t do for myself. I found a way to get things done and get through it as best I could. I had started out in life with such a great determination but somewhere along the travels of life I lost my determination. Life came at me really fast and hitting me hard from every angle that it possibly could.
I found myself at one point in life having this one-hundred percent attitude that I could do anything. To having a fifty-fifty attitude that I can do this, to no wait minute I can’t do this. To finally having a zero attitude nope just forget it I can’t do anything I give up!
I had lost all hope and my determination was gone just like that. I started feeling sorry myself, and I wanted others to feel sorry for me too. I wanted God or anyone to fix me, and make my life all better for me. I wanted God or anyone to just make the changes that needed to make in my life for me. I wanted God or someone else to make me feel better again, and when that didn’t happen I got very angry with God, life and people!
When I saw things were not going to change for me the way I wanted them to, that was when I started on this journey of making every excuse that I possibly could think of why I couldn’t change. When ever someone try to help me or show me a way that I could do something about my situation I shut them down in a hurry and myself.
I told myself that change wasn’t possible for me because I was to lost and that only the people who had it together could change. But there was no way I could change so instead I dug myself a grave and made sure I buried myself so deep that I thought I could never get out.
I had put a sign on my grave that said Welcome Home Orenda because I had given up on God, people, myself and life. I had it with everything and I made sure that I stayed in my grave for a very, very, very long time. That was Till God came a long and asked if I had enough yet? And told Him Yes I was finish with being dead and I wanted to be alive again!
So for the last couple of months God has had me keep going over, over, and over in my head the attitude I use to have at the beginning of my life, compare to my attitude that I now have. Also the man in John 5: 5-9 keeps coming back to me again and again. I couldn’t understand why God kept having me replay the determination I once had. I also didn’t understand what did that man have to do with me. That was until today I finally got what God was trying to tell me and show me!
Like the man in John who laid by the pool side for thirty-eight years waiting for someone else to put him in the water, that was me! There I laid in my grave for sixteen years waiting for God or anyone to come to my rescue so they could wave their magic wand over me and say poof your all better now. But I was the one who had to want to change and want what God had to offer me.
That was when I heard God say to me..
My child what are you doing lying around in this grave for?
GET UP MY CHILD,
I didn’t raise you up out of no grave just to have you still siting around wallowing in your past.
Or to sit there and to keep expecting Me to fix everything for you.
I gave you My Son to die for your sins,
I gave you the Word so that you could be free from all those heavy burdens you have carried around all your life.
I gave you peace and I gave you life so that you can now do My Will, Obey Me, and to spread the Good News about Me.
Now my child, GET UP, GET UP, GET UP AND RISE MY CHILD YOU ARE NO LONGER DEAD,
BUT ALIVE IN JESUS CHRIST.
I don’t want to see no more of this wallowing around feeling sorry for yourself.
I don’t want to hear about you wanting Me or someone else to do everything for you.
And no more expecting Me to do all the work for you when times get tough again, or to just fix everything for you.
You now have the power through Jesus Christ to do whatever it is I call to you to do.
Now My child GET UP AND STARTING DO MY WILL!!!!
Remember my child, ” with people this is impossible but with Me all things are possible.”
Love your Father.
See God wanted me to remember that determination that I once had, but this time to He wanted me to use that same determination with Him. When everything around me is falling apart and I get scared to the point I just want to run and hide. I am to say myself with God I can do this!
God didn’t raise me up out of no grave just to sit here and wallow. God wants me to rise and do what He knows I can do with Him by my side. No matter what or how I feel I am to run the race that God has put in front of me with all my determination. And I am to run that race like there is no tomorrow. I am to always have joy in my heart and be determined to do what God has call me to do!
GOOD BYE DEATH!
I GOT JESUS NOW!
WATCH OUT WORLD HERE I COME BECAUSE I NOW HAVE THE VICTORY IN JESUS CHRIST!
Love Always One Of God’s Children 3-8-2012