The Respect Dare

Philippians 1:9-11 “And I pray this: that your love will keep on growing in knowledge and every kind of discernment, so that you can approve the things that are superior and can be pure and blameless in the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God.”


In today’s dare we are asked to go back and remember why did we married our husbands? In Nina Roesner book The Respect Dare she tells us that “so often we live in the moment and forget how far we have come.” She says that “wisdom comes from seeing the truth in the big picture and not allowing your perceptions to be clouded by life’s daily challenges.”

She also asked us some good question to really think about… “Is your husband expecting kindliness from you or criticism?” “When was the last time you saw your husband the way God sees him?” “Why does God love him?” “Jesus died for him too.”

This dare today is a hard one for me and I almost didn’t want to do it! My husband and I didn’t start out as most couples do with all the dating, getting to know each other and lots of fun.

When my husband and I meet we were from two different worlds he was a Christian who loved God and I was a non-believer who hated God and was very angry with Him!

At first I wanted nothing to do with Alvin (husband) because he was nothing like me, he didn’t like none of things I liked. He wanted to go to Church and work hard (yuck was my thoughts back then).

I was the party girl, loving the clubs, drinking, doing drugs and just acting a fool. My life was great and here comes this downer (so I thought.) Which made me even more angry with God because at that time in my life even though I had it with my life that I had lived for the past thirty-four and half years, there was still a part of me that didn’t want to let go of it.

I wanted something more, but Alvin didn’t seem like that more to me that I was looking for. He looked more like someone trying to rain down on my parade of the life I thought was fun with his God! But I made it clear to him where I stood with God and that I wasn’t giving up my life, but I would like to still to see him.

Also when I meet Alvin I hid nothing from him I let all my dirty laundry hang out there for him to know and to see he had choice either he could walk away like everyone else did in my life or he could stick around. Either way I didn’t care because I was use to men coming and going in out of my life once they got what they wanted from me.

But he choose to stick it out and he made it very clear to me who he was, that God was the love of his life and if I wanted to be in his life that God would have to be the center of my life. This added more fuel to the fire that was all ready burning inside of me about my feelings towards God.So from June to October we dated, and I traveled with him because he was a long distance truck driver back then.

So this is how it went down end of March we talked. By June we finally meet each other and practically lived together on the truck. by July God got ahold of me big time! And From July till October we stayed together and at the end of October we got married.

Now between these four months there was a lot of tension between the both of us, but we both still choose to get marry. My reason for marrying him was because I felt God would work out all the kinks that was present at the time. But it would be two years of hell for my husband and I would go on by before we saw just what God can do when you obey Him and not your own feelings.

Our home was not a place anyone would want to live in! My husband and I were like cats and dogs to the point that April of this year it landed my husband in jail and me not knowing if I still had a marriage. My husband and I were both very abusive towards each other, there was no respect in this house, and there was no unconditional love either!

Only thing that keep us going and staying together was because of God and out of love for Him.We both didn’t want no divorce,and we both knew that if anyone could change us and save this marriage it be God. Unfortunately it had to take something real serious to happen before either one of us would wake up and start listening to God, instead of ourselves.

Now in less than three months our home today? WOW! It’s like a 360 turn around! There is laughter, there is joy, there is peace, there is forgiveness and there is two people working with God and together instead of against each other! God has really moved in the both of us!

So the reason for this being so hard on me was because of the questions she has asked us to answer, for me the first two years was very hard for me to see anything positive in my husband expect that he loved God, went to work and didn’t judge me. But now today there is a lot more I see about my husband that I love! So for today’s dare I’m going to take it from today’s perspective instead of from the past. So on to the questions….

                                      SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Nina Roesner in her book asked us as an extra challenge, “when we are finished with the “remember” exercise, to tell your husband what you wrote down and why and then comment to him about how these strengths are still present in his character.” Ask God to help you reinforce your husband’s strength daily.”

Question 1: What five positive attributes or strengths were reasons enough for you to marry your husband? Write these in a list form, thinking back to when you were engaged and the first months of you marriage.

1.) Non-judgemental 

2.) His smile 

3.) Hard worker

4.) His determination to not give up on us or our marriage

5.) He always stayed a man after God’s own heart and His desires

Question 2: Why was each one important to you?

Number one since the day I was born and through my life I had been judge and tossed away like trash that was worth nothing saving. So to see that this man after I all have told him about who I was, what I done and still doing and he still wanted to be with me, that was quite amazing! He gave me something that no one else has given me, and that was accepting me for who I was and not what he wanted me to be.

Number two his smile and those pearly white teeth were just outstanding to me I have never seen anything like them in my life expect for on T.V..

Number three after all the men I dated in my life a bunch of bums, it was refreshing to see a man willing to work hard and not play at all.

Number four I loved the fact about Alvin that since day one with all my brokenness and the hell I gave him he still didn’t leave, he felt like it and threaten to leave, but he’s still here! That means so much to me because no one ever in my life wanted to fight for me. Because I wasn’t worth the dirt on their shoes to care about. It showed me that he loves me for me and not what I did or didn’t do or how I may act or not act.

And number five even though at first I hated the fact that He loved God with all his heart and all he wanted was what God wanted, I love it now! Because to me it shows me no matter who may come or go in his life God will always come first.That he will never change who God wants him to be just please someone else. That right there speaks volumes for me because I know I can trust him not to waver in who God wants him to be and do, just to please others and what they want.

Question 3: Ask God to show you examples of how your husband still possesses these strengths. What are you sensing right now?

That I can trust him not to abandon me. That even though he may have his downfalls that there is no one in this life perfect, not even I. My husband and I are both the same sinners who have sin against God and needed His redemption to save us from the hell we both deserve, but through God’s Son He has given us both grace, mercy and forgiveness. So why shouldn’t I do the same for him?

Tears are falling because I just got it I see my husband as God sees him and not some man out to get to me and hurt me! Alvin is a child of God just like me, we are the same! All along I been holding on to the fact we are two different people and he needs to be a certain way. But were not we are the same who needs God’s grace, mercy and forgiveness and we need to give each other grace, mercy and forgiveness too, I now get it! WOW! Praise God for this revelation just now!

Question 4: When is the last time you communicated to your husband about his strengths? How did he respond?

For me it was just the other day. He loves when I tell him this, he tells me thanks hon I really appreciate you telling me these things. 

Question 5: How do you think your husband would react to your reminding him of his strengths everyday?

I think he would love it!

WOW! This really turned out to be a great dare for me, even though I started out dreading doing it. Funny how God works you have to go through the mess just to see and get the blessings that He has had for you. It’s just like this life we live in nothing is free, your rewards come after all the hard work, sweat and tears you put into it.

And the same thing goes with God hard work, sweat and tears, but His blessing do something to your soul that the worlds rewards can’t even begin to touch your soul the way God’s does. God Bless to all and remember to keep on pushing, because with God it’s all worth the trials and tribulations that you got to go through just to see the blessings in disguise. God Bless to all…

Remember if you are just joining us, I am doing “The Respect Dare” 40 day challenge along with the ladies at Unbroken Women

Don’t forget to visit The Unbroken Women to enter to win gifts and to win the Kindle Fire I Dare You!

Also make sure you stop by Nina Rosener website for some great info and if you need prayer please visit 

So tell me ladies:

What are some positive things that your learned about your husband? 

What stood out to you the most in today’s dare? 

Love Always One Of God’s Children 7/17/2013



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