The Respect Dare

Proverbs 12:16 “Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.”

Day 9: 1 Peter 3:9 “Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.”

Today’s dare is all about how we treat one another when one is not so nice to us. In Nina Roesner book she tells us to “remember people are complicated.” extend grace, and try different approaches when dealing with people and you will honor God in your relationships.”

You know how you always hear about how God’s timing is perfect, but it’s really hard to understand this or grasp just what that means, until something happens in your life.Then that is when the Holy Spirit will remind you see God knows what He is doing for your life.

Well that is exactly what’s happening to me with these dares.When I first saw this dare on unbrokenwoman. I wanted nothing to do with it! Just for the fact that it had to do with me learning to respect my husband and there were things that I still didn’t want to deal with.

I still have a hard time dealing with things head on, especially when it comes to how God wants me to do things. So it’s much easier for me to run from things then to face them head on, but this will get you nowhere real fast in a quick in a hurry! 

But the Holy Spirit was heavy on my heart to do it. So I signed up got the book, but I still wasn’t promising that I will do it. Then I told my friend Crissy about it and she wanted to do it. Well that lead me to doing this Blog that was suppose not be so complicated, and then God turned it into me leading you ladies in my first online challenge. So here I am. Now the reason I say all this is because three months ago if I was to do this study back then, OH MY! It wouldn’t have been so pretty for you ladies.

Besides me not knowing how to respect my husband, insult for insult was another big reason why my husband’s and I marriage was an all out war! We did nothing but for two years kept right on paying evil for evil until l finally ended up getting hurt and my husband off to jail.

When my husband insulted me I didn’t know how not to shoot right back at him with an insult too. All I knew was you going to hurt me well then I’m going to hurt you too! I grew up in a family where we fought our battles, not let’s sit down and talk about this.

Or it’s okay that you just call me this and that and I understand that you’re not angry at me, but about something else. So why don’t you go pray about it and cool off and then we will talk latter. Oh No! There was none of that where I came from, it was insult for insult and blood for blood if need be.

So yes I had a very hard time adjusting to the way Jesus Christ expected me to behave. Plus I was very wounded from all the men who had hurt me all my life. I couldn’t see my husband as God saw him, especially when he wasn’t being too nice to me!

I couldn’t see he was not enemy, because at that time in our lives it sure felt and look like to me that he was my enemy! There was so much anger, bitterness and hatred built up inside of me not only towards my husband, but also from the many years of abuse that had not been dealt with. That it made me blind as to what the real problems were and God’s truth’s. 

It got the point where I was really scared for my husband and myself of what might just happen if we didn’t get some help or do something soon. I suggested counseling to help us or a separation just till God could sort things out between us, because our behavior was getting worse and worse towards each other. But my husband didn’t think things were that bad between us, so we stayed and we fought. God had left our house, because we choose to do things our way and not His way!

Never once did it cross my mind that I be the one hurt, words wise yes but physically not my husband! So yes I understand one-hundred percent how one can feel towards another if there not being treated so nicely. And I also understand one-hundred percent the deadly consequences it can cost your spouse, your marriage and yourself when you just want to run off on your own and do things your way and disobey God. It’s very important ladies that we do what James 1:22 tell us “But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.”

God doesn’t play when He say’s there are consequences for when you decide to disobey what He ask you to do. And sadly my husband and I had to learn the hard way of just what God means there are consequences for your behavior and you will reap what you sow.

 Ladies if you’re like me please get help or if the situation is real bad in your home then separate if need be till God can restore the both of you. But please keep fighting for your marriage and don’t use it as an excuse to leave your marriage.God will turn it all around for you, if you just don’t give up and fight for your marriage!

Trust me it’s not easy and sometimes you will feel like there is no hope, but that’s just the devil lying to you. Ignore him and do what God wants you to do to change yourself. Focus on yourself and not your husband and what he is or isn’t doing, because that will only get you more madder and nothing will ever get accomplish.

Just go with God and trust what He say’s and you will never go wrong! Obey God not your feelings ladies. Learn to walk in His Ways and not your ways. Remember Luke 9:23-24 (NIV) Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.”

1 Peter 4:8 Above all, maintain an intense love for each other, since love covers a multitude of sins. (HCSB)

This Bible Verse has become one of my most favorites on how to love my husband always no matter what he does or doesn’t do! It’s all about knowing how to extend grace and mercy to your love ones. 

This is Love In Action: Romans 12:9-21 

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor,serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[d] says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
    if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[e]

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. 

Ladies after this all happen between my husband and I, I’ve been working real hard with God to be the wife He wants me to be, not what the world or the Church says, but what God says! Just listen to God He will never steer you wrong. I’m only here to tell you what I went through, what’s working for my marriage and what I’m doing to change my behaviors. So please pray and ask God: What’s best for you and  your marriage? And what changes do you need to make? Onto our questions…

                                            SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?

In todays dare we were ask by Nina Roesner ” while being slow to anger, slow to speak and quick to listen, actively chose to extend grace to your husband.” “If he says something that hurts your feelings or forgets something of importance to you, actively choose not to take it personally.” “Pray that God will help you with this”

“Remember that the Bible Says,“In your anger do not sin”[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27. “It does not say never to be angry.” Recognize there is frequently a difference between the things we deem worthy of anger and those that God does.” “Much of what makes us angry doesn’t come close to measuring up the righteous anger of God.” 

Questions 1: Prayerfully think of the last time someone insulted you, hurt your feelings, or just respond shabbily. How did you respond? 

Through the Grace of God I was able to keep my mouth shut and walk away. 

Questions 2: How did your response help or hinder your relationship with the person? 

God was able to deal with them one on one and then they came back to me to apologize to me for what they say and did to me. 

Question 3: What have you learned from that interaction?  

That when I let God deal with them one on one things are more peaceful. That my ways of trying to solve things with anger, bitterness, and harsh words don’t solve anything. It just makes things worse. 

Question 4: If you need to apologize to someone, please start by apologizing to God, then follow-up with that person.

Question 5: Are you typically someone who overlooks an insult, or are you able to discern wisely when it is worth it to it to engage in conflict? 

Before everything that happen between my husband and I, No, I wasn’t able to overlook and insult and I was unable to discern wisely what was worthy to engage in conflict. But now yes, I’m not perfect but I do try harder.

Question 6: Would others say you have a healthy way of dealing with conflict?

Yes they would.

Question 7: When and how does overlooking an insult prevent others from taking advantage of you? 

I think Jennifer Bulpitt from give the best answer to this “People will actually have more opportunity to take advantage of us when we reveal to them our weaknesses in a conflict.”

Question 8: Spend about fifth-teen minutes researching online or directly in your Bible the topic of God’s anger, make a list of what you find. 

Ezekiel 25:17 ESV I will execute great vengeance on them with wrathful rebukes. Then they will know that I am the Lord, when I lay my vengeance upon them.”

Romans 1:18 ESV For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth.

There is so much here that can be learned but most importantly we need to look inward of ourselves and find out: What insecurities that were still holding on to? What unforgiveness are we still holding against someone else? Ask God to search your heart and let go of what it is He reveals to you. God Bless To All…..

Remember if you are just joining us, I am doing “The Respect Dare” 40 day challenge along with the ladies at Unbroken Women

Don’t forget to visit The Unbroken Women to enter to win gifts and to win the Kindle Fire I Dare You!

Also make sure you stop by Nina Rosener website for some great info

Ladies tell me:

What are some things that have learned about yourself through this dare?

What did you find on the topic of God’s anger? 

How are you doing when it comes to loving not only your spouse but others as Christ has loved us? 

Love Always One Of God’s Children 7/18/2013 

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