Day 10: Good Advice
For today’s dare Nina Roesner tell us in her book ” we can be woman of influence if we choose to be good listeners and fully understand what our husband are telling us.”
Something that really stood out to me is when she said ” recognizing that most wives yearn for emotional intimacy with their husbands, it is truly amazing how many of us miss the opportunities to create emotional intimacy by our own words. ”
“Some of us has become people no one listens to because we are always offering, suggestions, criticism, or judgement.” “We think we are helping, but what we are communicating is an attitude of superiority over the other person.
When it comes to communication I fail one-hundred percent! I’m seeing now through this Respect Dare Study that I got so much to learn. I only know how to communicate by yelling, telling you what to do and telling you to toughen up. This is what happens when you spend thirty-four years in dysfunction and without God.
So please bear with me on this dare, because this is something I’m still working on and learning. So on to our questions…
SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Questions 1: How often does your husband confide in you? Is it more or less than during your engagement period and first years of marriage?
My husband has never confide in me about anything for the two years we been together and married. One reason was because I had a lot of insecurities. And my husband didn’t help by making me feel like I couldn’t trust him.
Another reason was because he didn’t feel he could tell me anything because of the way I may react to what he had to say. And the same goes for me I have never confide in him about my struggles. Now we have told each other about our past, but day-to-day stuff we struggle with or what’s on our minds, we don’t confide in each other.
Question 2: When your husband tells you about his work situations, are you encouraging, or judgemental and critical? Ask him for feedback and just listen; do not justify any actions you’ve taken in the past.Write down what you learn.
When my husband does try to tell me about his work, I tend to just listen and say nothing. Or I tend to tell him what to do and how to fix it. He would like for me to be more encouraging.
Questions 3: When do you choose to give your husband advice? Is it, frequently, or is it only about important matters when he brings them up? How do you typically like to receive advice?
I tend to have my two cents in everything whether my husband ask me or not. I hate receiving advice because I feel that I’m being told what to do.
Question 4: When you give advice, are you forceful and bossy, or gentle in suggestions? Do you use phrase like “something you might consider,” “an idea that might fit with that.” “something others have found beneficial is,” or do you say things like, “why can’t you,””what you need to do is,” or “I think you need to do.”
Sad to say but I’m forceful and bossy. I tend to speak with the why, what, and you need to…. But I’m trying to change these old bad behaviors I have learned. Doing these questions I’m starting to feel more and more bad for my husband. No wonder he feels like I treat him like child. Lord please forgive me and help me in this area of talking to my husband with more respect for him. Help me to consider what I’m about to say to him.
Question 5: What can you do to become a wife who is held in high esteem and respected by husband as being a safe confident?
One thing I can do is stop telling him what to do and putting my two cents into everything. Learning discernment in how to speak with respect towards my husband. Make him feel more confident that he can tell me anything and I wont go flying off the walls like some cray woman on him!
Ladies this dare was very hard for me to do today, because this is one area that really cuts to my heart. Because I don’t want to treat my husband the way I do and I never realized how much damage I’m doing not only to myself but to my husband and it’s killing me inside. So what I like to do thanks to a good friends suggestion, is let’s say in three months Oct. 18, 2013, I like to give an update to how I am doing, and what changes have taken place since this dare.
Before I go Nina Roesner had ask that we ” be aware of your own advising nature.” “Your challenge is twofold:
Resist the temptation to offer advice. Instead, evaluate the situation, perhaps asking the person if he or she wants advice or wants to talk.
Ask your husband if he considers you a safe person to talk to about his challenges. If he indicates you could be better in that area, ask him how you can improve. Make him aware of your sincere desire to change.
“Pray for guidance, wisdom, and for God’s help in becoming the woman God desires you to be.” God Bless To All…
Remember if you are just joining us, I am doing “The Respect Dare” 40 day challenge along with the ladies at Unbroken Women.
Don’t forget to visit The Unbroken Women to enter to win gifts and to win the Kindle Fire I Dare You!
Also make sure you stop by Nina Rosener website for some great info http://ninaroesner.com/
So ladies tell me:
How are you doing with these dares?
What are some things the God has revealed to you?
Is there anything that you would like to ask me?
Love Always One Of God’s Children 7/19/2013