Philippians 4:8 Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure,whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things.
Day 11: Taking The Negatives Out And Replacing It With God’s Truth
For today’s dare Nina Roesner ask us “ to pray for God to enable you to see life through the lens of the Holy Spirit, to give you the ability to see what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy in every situation-especially those that cause you to be angry, hurt, or irritated.” “Pray His strength to accomplish this.”
In her book she tells “ just as a child who craves attention will seek to garner this attention through any behavior necessary, good or bad, whatever we give attention to will increase in frequency.” “If we want to increase responsible behavior or kindness, we need to acknowledge those character traits when they emerge.” “Too often we only pay attention to the negatives.”
What Nina Roesner said rings so true to me, I was that child/adult searching, and looking in all the wrong things, people and places just to get someone to pay attention to me! I didn’t care whether it was good or bad, but bad behavior the real negative stuff seem to get me more attention, then doing the good stuff. My family was very dysfunctional, there was no God in our home, everyone in our family was their own Gods. There was no stability, no morals, everyone pretty much did what they wanted, expect for us kids.
My mom had strict rules for me to abide by, but not the kind that would help me later in life. Her rules were more the kind you do as I say or there be hell to pay. There was no unconditional love in our house, instead there was a lot of anger, bitterness, hatred, lying, physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, lying, manipulation and lots of negatively flying everywhere.
So it should come as no surprise that I grew up very negative too, I could never see the positives in anything. And I didn’t expect anything positive for myself, because I felt was not worth anything for good to happen to me. Oh I wanted something good for once or for something just to go right just for once, but it never did, everything in my life that I touch or came in contact with turned sour!
When you have lived so long in negative as long as I have thirty-four years to be exact, it’s hard to break-free and just up and change and start doing good. It’s not that easy and it wont work, no matter how much you want it to, because there is something very key that is missing in one’s life that they fail to realize and that is they need God. He’s the only one who can change you from the inside out. I wouldn’t come to understand this to later in life when God would reveal Himself to me.
Trust me I know what I’m talking about, I spent seventeen years never accomplishing anything or going anywhere in life. Instead my life was full a lot of empty dreams, broken promises and never knowing who I was. I spent many of those years on drugs, drinking, partying, being homeless, losing kids to child service, and being men’s toys to do as they please with me. During these years I faced so many horrible things that you would be amazed that I’m even able to sit here now and do what I’m doing sharing a part me with you, so you may be able to see what God can do for you too through me.
Even though I wasn’t raised up in no Church, somehow I understood there was a God and a devil. I came to believe that I was the devils child, because I was so bad to the very bone of my soul. I didn’t know who God was, where He fit in all this mess of my life, but I knew He was good and I wasn’t so He wanted nothing to do with me.
I meet people in and out of my life who would will tell me about this God who supposedly loved me and cared about me and wanted more for me, but I never saw it. I did what they said I accepted Him as my Lord Savior and then my life would change. Will that never happen for me and that made me even more angrier with God than what I all ready was! I had blame Him for everything in my life and I hated Him!
I was trying to hold on to myself and what I wanted while also trying to put God somewhere in this mess of life I had, but it never seem to work. The more I tried to run my life the more it became a mess. I was growing more frustrated with my life to the point I tried to kill myself twice, but as you can see by reading this I’m still here.
I even tried to put myself in serious harms way so other people could kill me, but that didn’t work either, even the people who did try to kill me was angry because I wouldn’t die. I had even been asking God since I was kid just to kill me so I wouldn’t have to face any more pain and suffering, but that never happen either.
When none of that work drugs and alcohol became my very best friends just so I could make it through another day. I was living barely from day-to-day. I was gone there was nothing left in me but pure hatred for myself, others and God. I was dead, but breathing barely. I had finally reached my end and told God that’s it if you’re really out there then do whatever you want because I am done! You wont me kill me like I’ve asked you too, you wont let me die, so what do you want with me? I give up! Do whatever you want!
Well I never imagined in my life what would come out of me ranting and raving at God that day in the month of March of 2011. It wouldn’t be until God place Alvin in my life, that I would finally understand just what God can do for you when you die to yourself and follow Him.
I will never forget the day I meet God one on one in a bathroom on July 4 2011. Alvin and I had been out celebrating the fourth of July and I was drinking, Alvin didn’t approve of this but he was letting God deal with me, so to a certain extent I was allowed to keep some of my bad behaviors when I meet him, until God got ahold of me as Alvin would say to me.
So it got late in the day and I had been drinking a bit, but not drunk and I wanted to go to the club and I had asked Alvin if we could go to one. But he was not having it! He told me I told you all ready I don’t do those kind of things, I don’t want those kind of things in my life, and I only want God and do what He wants me too. You make a choice either me or those clubs?
Well this just made me more furious than ever not only with God, but with Alvin too! So I said to Alvin to find me a restroom and when he did, I got out of that car so angry with God, that by the time I got into that bathroom I let God have it. I was yelling and yes yelling, I can’t even tell you if anyone was in that bathroom or not, because my anger was burning towards God and I was going to let Him know about it!
So there I am yelling why is it I’m the one who always got to suffer and got give up the things that I don’t want too! Alvin is the one who wants you in his life, not I! So why do I got to suffer because he choose You! Besides I’m still angry with you and we got a lot of things we need to get straight! I want to go out to the clubs and have fun, but no I can’t do that because Alvin choose you and now I have to choose You or I’m going to loose him! This is not fair! Why I can’t I ever have anything I want, why do I got to always be the one to suffer, because of what other people want!
Then all sudden I heard a very faint whisper like voice say to me, no one say you couldn’t got out, got out there if you want to, no one is stopping you, go if you want to but who’s going to love you in the morning? WOW! That stop me right there in my tracks!
My life that day in that very moment changed just like that! Never again would I want drugs, alcohol or to have anything to do with my old life styles. I wanted God and I choose Him! This would be by far the best decision I have ever made in my life!
My first accomplishment ever in life would be saying yes to God and no to the devil. Two years I been working hard with God to replace all that negative stuff I have learned throughout the many years of my life and replacing it with His truth’s . Let me tell you it hasn’t been easy, but every bad habit broken is another great victory in Christ!
I am so blessed that God didn’t let me die like I wanted to because now I know why I had to go through what I had to go through all my life. Everyday spent in the world without Him was Him breaking me, molding me, growing me and making me see that I need Him in order to survive in this world. That without Him I am nothing.
Thanks to God for the first time in my life I’ve stopped running from everything and now I face everything with God. Even my marriage is a great testimony of what God can do through you when you die to yourself and let Him do what is He needs to do through you.
God has even lead me to lead this Respect Dare Challenge and I’m determine to see it through! I have never finish anything my life, because I’ve always felt that it didn’t matter what I did because no one care anyways. But now there is someone who cares and that is God. Also I got a great husband who believes in me and I knows I can do it!
For once in my life I’m starting to see the positives in my life through the Holy Spirit. I’m starting to see life through the lens of the Holy Spirit and not through the very clouded lens I see with. Every day spent with God is another day that I spend in His garden of love. Where He planted my seeds, He waters me, He prunes the weeds, and He guides me with the sun/ Holy Spirit in everything I do. It’s not always easy because I tend to some times want to stretch out of God’s loving arms, but I soon find myself faced with some thorns in the garden that remind me where I belong right up under His glorious Holy Spirit letting Him guide me in the areas I need to grow in, so I can see everything and people as God see’s them. God Bless to All….
Remember if you are just joining us, I am doing “The Respect Dare” 40 day challenge along with the ladies at Unbroken Women.
Don’t forget to visit The Unbroken Women to enter to win gifts and to win the Kindle Fire I Dare You!
Also make sure you stop by Nina Rosener website for some great info http://ninaroesner.com/
So ladies tell me:
What are some achievements in your life that you have accomplish?
What ones do you sense God was most involved in? How?
In terms of achievement, how are you viewing in your progress in doing The Respect Dare?
Love Always One Of God’s Child 7/20/2013