The Respect Dare

Day 14: “Treat Him Like A Man”

Today’s dare is about the way we treat our husband, do you treat him like a child or the man God created him to be? As we know from an earlier post that I have admitted to being guilty of treating my husband as a child. My husband has told me on more than one occasion of how much he hates that I do this!

So for today’s dare I had to do some research on how does one go about treating their husband like a child, because I don’ t feel like I treat him this way, but my husband does. So this needs to be address immediately, so first stop was asking my husband in what ways do you feel I treat you like a child? The response I got from him was quite astounding! I’m a little baffled as to how did all this happen? When did I become the women who nags her husband non-stop?

I grew up with men always being in control, very abusive and I had no voice, and somehow I have turned into a wife who treats her husband like a child. I grew up watching my mom having no voice either and men abusing her. I was raised by men and spent very little time around woman. If anything I learned women got no rights, and you do as your told, or else! 

So how did I become the wife who’s always telling her husband, what to do and not to do? How to dress or not to dress? Where we can go and where we can’t go? My goodness my husband can’t lead me because I’m too busy trying to run him! Why, oh why am I this way?

On http://peacefulwife.com/2013/07/14/day-14-treat-him-like-a-man/ she address this very issues today. The list she made on the ways we can treat our husband like a child, I about near almost had a panic attack, because I was guilty of doing a lot of the stuff she mention in her list to my husband. First thing the Holy Spirit bought to my attention is fear, trust, and control.

Fear that my husband can’t handle things and then I’m going to have to deal with the consequence of his actions because we are married and I can’t let that happen. I can’t end up back on the streets homeless, so I have to help him!

My husband can’t wear just what ever he wants, because I got to walk with him and what will people think of me allowing my husband to walk out the door looking the way he does?

Fear that if I don’t run things the way it needs to be done, then I’m going to have to go back and fix everything. Fear that if my husband watches something that I feel that’s not proper, then it may lead him to doing things that will not be good for our marriage. What I am seeing here is that it all comes down to lots of  fears, the consequences of his actions affecting me and trust.

So, how does one go about just being okay with whatever happens and not worrying about how it may affect me?  Am I really suppose to sit back and just let whatever happens, happen?  Now I’m starting to see why I got such problems in this area!

I’m scared right out my mind, because everyone in my life has let me down! Everyone I have ever trusted in my life, when everything fell apart I was left by myself to pick up all the piece back up and start all over again! No one was ever there to help me, I had to do it all on my own!

The other men in my life beat me to do what they wanted me to do and I had no choice but to do it! Not Alvin ( my husband ) he’s not going to beat me, so I do what he wants me to do. So I have taken advantage of this and now I’m running the show, so I don’t have to deal with the consequences of his actions when things go up in smoke! By treating my husband like a child, I have gotten this crazy thought in my mind, that I’m doing some kind of good by protecting myself from getting hurt.

But in reality I’m not! In actually I’m hurting my marriage, my husband and myself, by trying to control things that I have no control over. I am destroying my marriage, and my husband instead of helping it. I’m doing the opposite of what Proverbs 31:12 tells us to do. So, how do I go from doing evil to my husband to doing good all the days of my life for him?

God has really revealed some major things to me doing this dare today. I see now there is a lot of issues that I need to deal with. That this issue goes way deeper than just me treating my husband like a child. God and I got some work cut out for us to deal with and I am so glad He’s my healer and redeemer, because I’m going to need Him to help me be the wife He needs me to to be to my husband. So on to the questions….

                                             SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Question 1: Ask your husband if he feels like you have ever treated him like a child. Ask him how this made him feel, and apologize if necessary. How has treating him like this been harmful to your marriage?

Question 2: Can you remember your mother, sisters, or friends talking about their husbands as though there men were inferior? How has this impacted families?

Question 3: Make a list of eight things that wives in general can do to make their husband feel like a man?

1.) Let him make his own choice 2.) trust him 3.)  give him encouragement 4.) let him make decisions  5.) honor him 6.) tell him things that you appreciate about him 7.) consider his feelings before speaking 8.) give him the respect he deserves

Question 4: Pick two things from the eight things that you feel would benefit your husband’s esteem the most and circle them.

Theses are my two: 1.) Let him make his own choice  2.) let him make decisions                                  

Question 5: Either schedule theses activities or do them today, without expectations. What specifically are you going to do and when? Write it down.

Nina Roesner made a great point in her book: “from this day forward, when you experience resentment or disappointment due to your husband’s reaction or lack of reaction,consider those feelings cues of expectations for you.” “ Choose in those moments to change your attitude, loving without expectations, as God did through Jesus Christ.” God Bless to all…..

Remember if you are just joining us, I am doing “The Respect Dare” 40 day challenge along with the ladies at Unbroken Women.

Don’t forget to visit The Unbroken Women to enter to win gifts and to win the Kindle Fire I Dare You!

Also make sure you stop by Nina Rosener website for some great info http://ninaroesner.com/

So ladies:

Leave me some comments on ways we can better treat our husbands?

Love Always One Of God’s Children 7/23/2013

 

 

 

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