Day 18: “Fighting Fair”
Today’s dare is about communication and listening. Well this dare is going to be a doozy for me, I can all ready see this. For one I don’t talk to anyone besides my husband. The reason for this is because I don’t work and I do not have friends. I lived in the world for so long that when I became a Christian two years ago all the friends I had got left behind because they were never really my friends to begin with.
Plus my husband and I moved to a new town where we know no one. We go to Church and I do Bible Studies, but I never clicked with anyone. My family all lives out-of-state and my relationships with them is restrain. I talk to my mom a lot, but she’s a different story let’s just say. So all I got is my husband and communication and listening is something we are both trying to work on. And with God’s help we are improving day by day.
Nina Roesner say’s that “loving communication is gentle, honest, and without malice and anger.” “When wives get the respect piece down and are more discerning about what they say, their husbands hear them more clearly.”
Well okay so let’s see here out of what communication is: I got the honesty down pack, sometimes I am little too honest. Gentle that’s still shaky, but I’m working on it. And without malice and anger okay now this is where I have some big improvements on! Praise The Lord! Okay, so it’s not one-hundred percent perfect but there is improvement, and where there is improvement makes for growth.
My heart right now is so over filled with great joy, because knowing what God has done in me even shocks me! Never in my life did I think I could change or be a better person, but look what God can do when you let Him do the changing for you. Those closest to me know exactly what I am talking about because they too doubted me and also thought I was nothing but a lost cause without hope. But God has proven them wrong! So on to the questions….
SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Question 1: Think about the last several days and the conversations you have had with people over the phone, in person, and by e-mail. If you where to weigh the sheer numbers of words of each person, or the time each of you spent speaking, where would you fall on a scale compare to the others? Do others’ words account for more than half the words spoken, or do yours?
Hmm.. I would have to say my conversations have been more like fifty-fifty and that sometimes people do more of the talking than I do.
Question 2: Do people look as though they are continually trying to get a word in edgewise when speaking with you? What typically describes other people’s nonverbal cues when they are conversing with you?
I am sitting here chuckling to myself right now, because I remember a time when I wouldn’t let no one speak a word! I ran my mouth at one-hundred miles per a second. I talked so fast that people were shocked I did not pass out from not stopping to catch my breath in between words. But now days I’m so quiet, that my mom even says to me all the time what happen to you? Why don’t you talk any more? And honestly I do not even know what happen to me, I’m just as confused as she is. So nope I do not have a problem any more in letting other people talk, praise God for that!
Question 3: Are you known to be a good listener? If the answer yes, you probably are. If you’ve never received that compliment, that should let you know you have some serious work to do!
Okay I would like to say that I am, but then again I don’t talk to that many people to either get that compliment or not.
Question 4: Have your ever repeated back to a person what he or she said in order to establish empathy or clarity? Pick one example and describe it.
This is something I have never done in my life! But this is also something that I am trying to learn how to be more empathetic with others and to clarify what I thought I heard them say to me.
Question 5: How does today’s verse and story connect with you?
Today’s verse really hits home for me, because I am seeing first hand when you listen to God and His ways they work! When you grow up the way I did where everyone was so angry and words just went flying like it was nothing but the thing to do, it’s refreshing to see that you can get a lot more done when you speak to someone in a more of a gentle way.
Plus the other person is not in attack mode when you are talking to them, instead of coming at them yelling harsh words. It makes all the difference in the world in the way you talk! I now see the effect harsh words can do not only to the other person, but to yourself too. Praise The Lord!
As far as the story goes: When Kris responded to what her husband asked her “do you feel loved by me?” And she replied “No, on an intellectual level, I know that you love me, but no, I don’t experience that knowledge on an emotional level.”
I could sympathize with her and I knew exactly what she meant when she told her husband “I know you love me but not on emotional level, because I have felt the same way to with my husband. Just like her husband in the story, my husband too is a great provider and I have told him this many times, but emotionally I feel we just do not connect.
I have tried many times to explain this to him, but it always leaves us feeling very uncomfortable. So we try to avoid this as much as possible. But I have come to accept that my hubby is not thee all mushy type I like him to be, but I do know in his own way that he does love me. Otherwise neither one of us would be here working on our marriage if we did not love each other!
Our love for each other has change though since we had that incident back in April where there was hatred, bitterness and anger for one one another, it has now been replace with God’s love for each other, more understanding, grace, mercy, patience and forgiveness.
We are both a work in progress and I can’t expect any more from him than what God is trying to do with him. And that’s what matters the most letting God do what He needs to do in my husband, while I stay focus on working on myself with God. One day at time my dear ladies…
Nina Roesner asked us “ from this day forward to speak fewer words and to make those count.” “If you need to vent, do so with God or with a trusted friend who will point you back to Him.” Pray for God’s help in speaking less.” God Bless to all…
Remember if you are just joining us, I am doing “The Respect Dare” 40 day challenge along with the ladies at Unbroken Women.
Don’t forget to visit The Unbroken Women to enter to win gifts and to win the Kindle Fire I Dare You!
Tell me, how do you do when you talk with others or your husband?
Love Always One Of God’s Children 7/27/2013