The Respect Dare

              ” We can choose whether to repeat the past or learn from it.”

Day Two: Childhood wounds that will seep into all areas of your life if left not dealt with for once and all! 

This one was a hard one for me, because there is a lot of things from my childhood that still to this day cut me like a knife to the core of my soul.  In the book she tells us to”be aware that our experiences with our parents marriage as a child has impacted the experiences, belief’s, and unconscious behaviors in our own marriage.” “Sometimes our beliefs are healthy; some are not.” “Sometimes are beliefs are not grounded in Truth, but these beliefs still become the filter through which we see our own circumstances.” 

We are asked to “pray and ask for wisdom in understanding a key experience that has impacted the way you currently walk through marriage. ” “After praying, wait for an incident to come to mind and work with it to answer these questions.” You can say your own prayer or you can pray this one she has provided for us:

Lord God, it is my desire to make sense of my childhood experiences in a way that releases me from any inaccurate perceptions that color my current experience of marriage. Father, I ask that you bring to mind a specific incident from my childhood that taught me something about marriage reveal to me Your perfect Truth and show me any lies that I have chosen to believe as a result of that incident. Show me how this one event impacts how I currently interact with my husband. Release me from the falsehoods, and reveal to me the Truth. I pray for Your divine revelation and wisdom in Jesus Christ Name Amen!

                                       SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Question 1: In one sentence, respond to the following questions about the incident that came to mind.  Who was there? When was the incident? Where were you?

I am going to be real honest here about my childhood and it can’t be just put in one sentence. I grew up in a non-Christian home. The only thing I knew about God was He was out there somewhere but not in our home! The Devil well he was for the evil people and hell was his home. And if your real bad this is where your be living with the Devil in hell.

Now as far as my childhood goes there was never just one incident in our family, but instead it was an all out war most of the time. My dad was abusive physically, verbally and emotionally towards my mom. He was also an alcoholic and a cheater. My mom in turn was abusive towards me and emotionally abusive too.

My first memory of what kind of hell I was just living in was revealed to me when I woke up and was running down the street screaming for him to not leave me. When I say I woke up there are seven years of my life missing and three of those years most people can’t remember what happen any ways. Where I was for those four years? I don’t know, but one thing I do know and I will never forget is that first memory of my dad walking out on me!

Where ever I was for those seven years I wish God would’ve had left me there, because the pain and the reality I had to deal with  in the next years to come was too much for this child to deal with! Tears and pain still run rampant in my veins and soul when my dad abandon me and left me in hell to deal with my mom. God please release me from this pain! Heal the child within me, thank you Father. Amen

Question 2: What happen? If this is something that happened many times, pick one of those times and describe it as best as you can, as if you were reliving that moment in time.

Now I can talk to my mom without wanting to hurt her, but there was time in our lives where you couldn’t even put us in the same room! All hell broke loose and the war was on! There was yelling screaming, name calling, fist being thrown, and furniture flying. I hated my mom with a burning passion in my heart and my dad too, but my mom the hatred I had for her burned in my heart like a roaring flame that couldn’t be quench!

It took thirteen years of God taking me through all kinds of trials, healing and renewing that I can now say I love my mother with all my heart soul! That I be lost without her if God was to call her home today ( more tears, but tears of  grief). 

Question 3. What was revealed to you about how you interact in your marriage as a result of this incident?

That I’m still holding on to a lot of the pain that was caused to me as a child. That a lot of the anger and hurt I feel now towards my husband has a lot to do with things that I have not dealt with about my father abandoning me. That a lot of my trust issues with my husband got to do with the way I view men in general to never be trusted! That they will only hurt you, lie to you, abuse you and leave you!

That when it comes to conflict and dealing with things that I do the same things my parents did, I yell, cuss and even hit. Lord please forgive me? It was revealed to me that I never really had any respect for my parents, no wonder I have no respect for my husband.  I learned as a child to respect no one because no one respects you! WOW!  This has been a real eye opener of  why I still behave the way I do towards my husband. Thank you Lord for revealing all this to me..

Question 4: What possible interpretations exist of that one event? List as may as you can in seven minutes.

   1,) That I’m not good enough and no one would ever want me or love me!

   2.) How I feel or what I need doesn’t matter.

   3.) Trust no one!

   4.) All men are liars, cheaters, and abusive!

   5.) Everybody will just up and leave me!

   6.) It’s okay to treat people how ever I want.

   7.) The only way to get you want is to yell, cuss and fight 

   8.) I’m all alone in this world I have to fight if I want to survive in this cruel world

Question 5: Write out a prayer of release from any unhealthy habits of thinking you’ve developed as a result of that incident. 

Father, I ask that you renew my mind, that I don’t conform to the worlds way of thinking or behaving but that I seek Your Truth in all situations in my life. So that I will be able to discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of You. (Roman 12:2) Father, in Your Word in Psalm 147:3 it says that “You heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” I am believing in my healing now! I know You will heal my old wounds and bind them up so they will never again affect any part of my life or my marriage. I release all my past hurts, and fears to You. I forgive all those who You trusted to care for me and didn’t. I release them to You and let You be there judge. I ask that The Holy Spirit convicts me any time I start to slip back in to my old ways. Father, I rebuke all those lies that I have come to believe as truths. Thank you Father for revealing to me that they were nothing but lies straight from the enemy himself!  I no longer want to live in my beliefs, my own opinions or out of my own self will, but I want live for You and Your Truths. Father, I ask that You keep guiding me in this journey I’m on to learning to respect my husband and to obey You. Let Your Will be done in all I do and say In Jesus Christ Name Amen

WOW! Give God some praises if your still holding on and tough this one out all way to the end! This was a tough one for me but it was well worth the healing that I’m all ready feeling!

Remember if you are just joining us, I am doing “The Respect Dare” 40 day challenge along with the ladies at Unbroken Women.

Also make sure you are visiting The Unbroken Women to enter to win  gifts and to win the Kindle Fire. Check out the following two links specifically:

I Dare You!

Love Always One Of God’s Children 7/11/2013

5 thoughts on “The Respect Dare

  1. Wow! Another amazing blog filled with your honesty. It is hard to be honest sometimes because of the embarrassment we feel. I am so glad God has brought you through all this and is using you now to help others. My heart broke for you reading this. I think back to my life and I thought I had it hard and maybe for me it was in some ways but nothing like this.

    For some reason I have this sense of needing to be in control in my marriage even though my heart is telling me something different. A constant battle within. Over the last 2 years I have read and followed many blogs that deal with God’s view of marriage, the purpose for us as wives and it has “melted” the hardness in my heart. I can’t remember why but since I was a child I built walls to keep people out. I didn’t want to be hurt. I am going to go over these questions tonight and pray that God reveals to me those things or situations that have plagued my life and have seeped into my marriage.

    As I sit here typing this the word fear keeps popping into my head, maybe this control issues is from fear. Fear of not being good enough. That is one thing that has been with me all my life. Never feeling good enough. From the time I began feeling that way until just five years ago, I was trying to fill it with whatever came to mind. (Thank God I was to scared to try hard drugs!)

    Thank you for this post and for sharing this dare with me when you first started it. It is really an eye opener! Love ya sis!

    • Life for me was all about pain and there was never a moment of peace until I met Jesus Christ and my whole world changed! The pain I faced back then can never be compare to the pain I face now. That pain broke me to the point I had enough and wanted something better, but I just didn’t know what that better was until I met Jesus Christ! Now the pain I face is all about shedding, grieving, and growing there is a peace with my pain now that only the Lord can give you! As to when I was in the world and going through the things I was going through that pain was nothing but despair and wanting to just not live anymore in this world! But I’m glad God took me through everything He took me through so I can let others know there is hope after the pain. And the way to that hope is knowing who Jesus Christ is and what He can do for you and did for you! God Bless……

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