Day 34: Be Your Husband’s Safe Place….
“Be a safe place for your man to fall. When the entire world seems like it is out to get him, he’ll come running home to you!” Nina Roesner
Today’s dare asked that I get a piece of paper split it in half and write down all the things my husband has done in the past or continues to do that frustrate me. I don’t know about you but I just love it when I can get opportunity to see how God has really change me or my husband it gives me this sense there is hope for us after all through God.
Today is one of those days I can remember about four months ago if you would have asked me that question back then I would have had an arm and leg and maybe some more things that my husband does or did that just piss me off to all buggers!
The pain, the bitterness, the anger all of it was really fresh in my mind towards my husband like a cool crisp fresh morning with the smell of some homemade cinnamon rolls waiting to be devour.
That was how fresh and ripe my memory was for everything single thing he did in the one year and seven months we had been together. I could not let go all the hurt, the pain, the mistrust, the lies after lies and the promises that were just empty promises over and over and again.
I kept replaying everything my husband had done and was still doing over and over like a broken record. Because I could not forgive him it cause a lot of tension in our home till it landed us in a big pot of boiling hot water!
But ever since that wake up call that my husband and I both had from God things have been different between my husband like for the fact I can not even think of one thing my husband did in the past or now that frustrate me to the point I want to choke him!
Now that is not saying my husband is perfect because he’s not. There are still things that he still does that I do not like, but God has really changed the way I see things with my husband.
Before I took things more personally like he had this vendetta against me to destroy me because I was unworthy of true love. I had chalked up my husband behaviors towards me as a personal attack against me and that is what infuriated me even more to attack back and to not let go of all he has done and was still doing!
So I was like a bomb ready to go off any time my husband did or said anything to me. I could not see him as a man of God but as my very own enemy and I had to do whatever I had to do protect myself from getting hurt and to show him that he could not just hurt me and get away with it!
But now I see my husband as a man of God who loves me the best he knows how to. That we are two imperfect people who God is trying His very best to mold us if we only cooperate with Him a bit more. I see my husband as a man of God now and not as my enemy who is out to hurt me and get me. I now understand that we sometimes allow the enemy to use us to get to the other person weak points.
When we are at war with each other it’s because we have allowed Satan to use us to attack the ones we love so he can tear us apart from not only each other but God too. Like God said the devil is out to seek, destroy and devour whatever he can to who ever gives him a foothold. So it’s best we (I) remember who the real enemy is and that is not our husbands! We are just two people who are saved by God’s grace learning to be like Jesus Christ.
Nina Roesner asked that we write down in the other column how we responded to each of our husband behaviors that we wrote down. WOW! Compare from what I was like then till now boy what a big change God has made in me. There was an all out war between my husband and I with me yelling, accusing, cussing, hitting, and repaying evil for evil if you can think of it I was probably doing it!
There was none of God’s fruit of the Spirit in me back then but now I am more humble, gentle, loving, forgiving, and peaceful. There are days where I do slip and a cuss word or jealousy may try to bear it’s ugly head, but I do not try hold onto unforgiveness, bitterness, or ill hate towards my husband no more! I dislike what he does but I do not take the things that my husband may or may not do personally no more!
Ever since God has made me understand that my husband is not like all the other men in my life who did not care for me, abandon me, used and abused me even though there were some behaviors that were unacceptable in my husband God has made me realize that does not mean all men are the same. My husband is different because he has something that all those other men in my life did not have and that was heart after God’s own heart.
My husband wanted better for not only himself, but for our marriage and for me too. He wanted to be the husband God had called him to be, but first he had to let go of some things in order for God to use him and change him.
Just like me there are things that my husband are both learning to let go of when you are walking with God. We are both learning that who we was with in our past and how they treated us does not mean I or my husband will be just like them!
As long as my husband and I are walking with God then He can change us to be the better wife and spouse that we need to be for each other! God can change anyone if only you are willing to be stretched to the point of breaking but right before you snap God grabs you pulls you back up and puts you back on your feet so you can walk one day at a time growing and learning from the greatest master of them all Jesus Christ!
No one ever said this walk with Christ would be easy or our marriage but it is well worth all the rewards you will receive from letting go of yourself and grabbing onto Him. What good is a war without a great battle? And I got King Jesus on my side so I can never lose!
SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Question 1: Does your husband consider you someone in whom he can safely confide in?
With God I am working on this and I feel my husband feels a bit more safer to confide in me.
Question 2: The last time he confide in you, did you offer advice or did you simply listen?
Amazingly I listen.
Question 3: How do you feel when your husband is upset about something? Do you take things personally when he is emotional?
It bothers me because I want to help him, fix for him and make things all better for him, but I know I can not do that. That’s God job I am here to support him. No I do not.
Question 4: Men often say that it’s difficult for them to communicate any emotions. Are you feeling brave? Ask your husband if he is comfortable sharing his emotions with you? What did he say?
He said yes.
Question 5: Is different from what you previously thought? If so, how?
Yes because I feel he still has a hard time coming to me about how he is feeling or what he maybe struggling with. So I am a little confused here with my husband answer.
Question 6: What you can do to be a woman who is a safe confidante for him?
Do not judge him, do not criticize him, do not take things personally, listen to him, support him and respect him!
“Our perceptions are often not correct. Only when we open ourselves up to the possibilities that we are wrong can we truly grow and learn” Nina Roesner. God Bless To All…
Remember if you are just joining us, I am doing “The Respect Dare” 40 day challenge along with the ladies at Unbroken Women.
Don’t forget to visit The Unbroken Women to enter to win gifts and to win the Kindle Fire I Dare You!
Love Always One Of God’s Children 8/12/2013