Day 36: Pain That Grows You Closer To God…
“God allows pain in our lives to shape us and build our reliance upon Him. Sometimes we wait until we are at the end of our ourselves before we reach out to Him for help. The comfort that comes from walking with God is always available to us. Our job is just to recognize it and reach out to Him sooner, and we will suffer less.” Nina Roesner
If there is anything that I am quite familiar with pain is one them. For me pain has been woven in and out of every aspect of my life. There has been times in my life where pain has been my very own best enemy and my very own best friend.
I have learned throughout my life that pain can either pull you away further from God or closer to Him depending on how you want to handle things. Sad to say I choose for the longest time to pull further away from God and boy did I ever suffer for that poor choice I made.
Like Nina Roesner said in her statement “we wait until we are at the end of our ourselves before we reach out to Him for help”that is what it took for me to finally let go of myself and grab fully onto Him. I had to be fully broken into a million pieces before I allow God to take all the razor edge jigsaw puzzle of a mess I made to begin His molding me into a woman after His own very heart.
Two years ago I came one-hundred percent into my marriage carrying with me lots, and lots, and lots of pain burning inside of me like a wild forest fire that could not be quench at all! I had bitterness inside of me that would sting like a bee who was angry for stealing their honey from them.
I had pure raw rage kind of anger that burned constantly, I had a pure solid frozen hatred for men, I had lots of unforgiveness that was roaring like lion inside of me fighting for his kingdom and I was very angry with God at that time because I had blame Him for every last detail that happen to me in my life!
To say the very least my husband was not dealt with to good of a hand if you ask me but God knew he could handle it because He had equipped him for the battle he will soon face.
Then to top off all the burning pain I was already feeling inside of me I was blessed with a marriage from hell too. My husband and I two years ago were two very emotional abusers. I was on attack mode not God mode so there was a lot of repaying evil for evil going on before God straighten the both of us out real quick!
So what happen you may be asking yourself that I was the way I was back then?
Thirty four and half years of abuse takes a big toll on a person and the results you get is a person like me until they meet God and He changes them from the inside out! I had to face countless rapes in my life, physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, I was kidnapped, my son was kidnapped (he okay and now twenty years old), I lost five children to child services due to bad decisions I made throughout my life, my childhood was very abusive too.
I had been toss and thrown around like old rag doll that no one ever wanted and I was homeless for most of my life. So yes pain and I were very, very, very best friends to the point I would cry myself to sleep at night praying to God to please let me die because I could not face another day as miserable as I was, but here I am sitting here writing about my pain to all of you ladies. I am chuckling to myself right now because God sure has a way of working things out doesn’t He?
So what has happen between then and now you may be asking yourself? God is what happen!
When I started on my journey with God two years ago there was one thing that I kept repeating to myself and to my husband that I knew there was no way God would bring me out of one hell to put me back into another hell! I was determined to know who God was and what He expected from me.
Now that I finally knew the truth after being lied to for thirty-four and half years there was no Devil in hell going to take me back from where I just left. My husband was not going to make me run from him or God and I was not going to let myself use any more excuse to keep on running like a fool! So I stayed in my marriage, I decided to keep my commitment that I made to God and I fought to keep my relationship with God and with my husband.
The more I grew closer to Him the more He kept chiseling away at the boulders I had surround myself with for so long to keep Him and people out. The more I soaked in His Word the more He cleanse away the pain that was burning a hole inside of my heart. The more I learned about Him the more He melted away the very thick hardness around my heart.
The more I choose Him instead of drugs and alcohol to deal with the pain that was forever echoing inside me the more He held me, comfort me and renew me. The more I called out to Him the more He came running to give me His peace, His joy and His mercy and grace. Through these two years of letting go and trusting Him I have come to learn what a mighty God, Father and Friend He is!
The person I am today leaves me baffled all the time because I have lived with myself for so long but the more you draw closer to Him the more He cleanse you, renews you, and restores you. Pull away from Him and you’re left to your own device and I can promise you that road will not be a pretty one.
We need Him even when don’t understand all the why’s of what He’s taking us through. Without Him we are nothing but the dust He made us from. His Holy Spirit and our Spirit are interwoven with one another without His Holy Spirit we are nothing but lost fools wandering aimlessly in no mans land.
This world if you allow it will devour you in a heartbeat but let Him be your guide through this life and He will never leave you astray. Why do you think He decide to live in us? \
Because He knew we would need Him to survive in this world. Without Him we are nothing but a piece of meat waiting to be devour by the wolves! But with Him aw there’s sweet, sweet victory in it after all for you in a world that seems so hopeless.
There is nothing to great for God my dear friends not even the pain you are wallowing in. Let go of it, set it free to God and watch what He can do for you!
SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Question 1: Do you know that God can handle your pain? When has He done this for you?
YES! There is no doubt in my that He can not handle my pain! In these last to year with myself and with my marriage.
Question 2: Do you usually try to hold onto your pain or do you ask God to help you with it? Why have you responded that way?
In the past I held onto to it because I felt no one could help me or would ever understand what I am going through! But now I ask God because I know He understood, He cares about me and He knows exactly what I am going through!
Question 3: What references can you find in the Bible that God can handle your pain?
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 34:18 The LORD is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit.
Question 4: How does today’s verse impact you with regard to the pain you’ve endured in your own life?
Crying out to Abba has changed me in so many ways. I have come to understand there is peace in the midst of an all wild out storm. I have come to experience joy while thinking to myself what now? I have experience first-hand the unconditional love that My Father has for me.
I have come to know that no matter what my pain is He can heal it! I have come to learn the pain before I meet God pain was mixed with a sense of doom, hopelessness, and that is will never stop hurting. But with God pain is mixed with joy, there’s a sense of hope and there’s comfort in knowing that everything is going to be all right.
Psalm 30: 1-5
I will exalt You, Lord, because You have lifted me up and have not allowed my enemies to triumph over me. Lord my God, I cried to You for help, and You healed me. Lord, You brought me up from Sheol; You spared me from among those going down[a] to the Pit. Sing to Yahweh, you His faithful ones, and praise His holy name. For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor, a lifetime. Weeping may spend the night, but there is joy in the morning. God Bless to all…
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Love Always One Of God’s Children 8/14/2013