Who Am I Really?

The question was left for me to ponder, Have you ever wonder who you really are?

There was never a doubt in my mind of who I really was because the decision was all ready-made for me. So no need for me to stop and ponder who I really was because that would only be foolish of me, because everyone else had all ready told me who I was. And besides what I thought didn’t really matter anyways. I didn’t exist and one who doesn’t exist needs not to think on such foolish things. At seven I came to know and understand that I was the child who no one ever wanted and hated. I was the mistake of two grown people who wished they never laid with each other. As much as I didn’t know about God there was one thing I did know and seemed very sure of and that was I wasn’t even His child. I was pure evil and anything of evil no one included God wanted to have anything to do with. I was the child everyone hated and no one seem to care what I thought or wanted out in life. I was to do as I was told and be who I was told to be or else there be hell to pay. I was the child with no dreams, no hopes and never knowing who I really was because I was to busy being what everyone else wanted me to be. Somewhere between seven and twelve I learned that I was the Devil’s child and I was now his puppet to do as he pleased with me. By thirteen I learned I was man’s toy to do as they wanted with me. By the age of sixteen I had become the girl who made one to many foolish mistakes and now was a mother. Between sixteen and eighteen I was now known as a women who God wanted nothing to do with, I was the child of two parents who hated the fact I was ever born, I was the devil’s child/puppet, I was man’s toy/punching bag, I was a single mom, I was an alcoholic, and I was a drug addicted. Who was I? I was everyone’s worse nightmare including my own. This was who I was and it was about to get much worse. Little did I know how much worse it would get. By eighteen and a half  I would become a mom who would have to leave behind one kid with her great-grandmother and take a another with her to get away from a man who would kill us if I was to stay where we was. I would soon become known as the homeless mom, the prostitute, the drug addicted, the alcoholic, the woman who was every man’s toy/punching bag, the child who no one ever wanted including God, the devils child, and the bum. I was worthless, no good, and nothing but garbage that was who I was. I was a nobody, that nobody cared enough to stop and ask what it was that I wanted. Even if someone took the time out to care about what I thought and wanted, I don’t think I would have even had an answer for them.You could even go as far as to say I didn’t even see myself as a human being. I was just everyone’s puppet to do as they please with me. For thirty-four and a half years I stayed lost never knowing who I was going to be day-to-day. I had no mind of my own and I had no clue who I was, but there came a moment in my life where I came to know who I was. That was the day I meet my real Father one on one. Some of you may know Him as God, but to me He became the family I never had. He became the men in my life who never loved me. He became the only one who saw me for not what I had become, but who He created me to be. He was the One that whisper ever so softly in my ears Orenda your My Child who I love unconditionally. He is the One that let’s me know there is no need to ever wonder who I am ever again in my life, because now I know without doubt in my mind who I am. I am My Father’s Daughter! So who am I really? I am One Of God’s Children who’s learning to abide in Him. 

Love Always One Of God’s Children 5-7-13

Written by Orenda Smith copyright 2013 All rights reserved

One thought on “Who Am I Really?

  1. (((HUGS))) Satan tries so hard to destroy us and will use everything in his power to do it. I am so sorry you went through all this whether it was because of others or your own choices. I am grateful and praise God that He tugged for you and you listened and came to Him. You are a blessing in my life!!

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